“Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas.”
— Johnny Carson
Author: Johnny Carson
Category: time
Tags: time, Johnny Carson
Tag: Johnny Carson
I know a man who gave up
“I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the day he killed himself.”
— Johnny Carson
Author: Johnny Carson
Category: food
Tags: food, Johnny Carson
Married men live longer than single men.
“Married men live longer than single men. But married men are a lot more willing to die.”
— Johnny Carson
Author: Johnny Carson
Category: marriage
Tags: marriage, Johnny Carson
The only thing money gives you is
“The only thing money gives you is the freedom of not worrying about money.”
— Johnny Carson
Author: Johnny Carson
Category: freedom
Tags: freedom, Johnny Carson
I was so naive as a kid
“I was so naive as a kid I used to sneak behind the barn and do nothing.”
— Johnny Carson
Author: Johnny Carson
Category: funny
Tags: funny, Johnny Carson
For days after death hair and fingernails
“For days after death hair and fingernails continue to grow, but phone calls taper off.”
— Johnny Carson
Author: Johnny Carson
Category: death
Tags: death, Johnny Carson
Married men live longer than single men.
“Married men live longer than single men. But married men are a lot more willing to die.”
— Johnny Carson
Author: Johnny Carson
Category: men
Tags: men, Johnny Carson
If variety is the spice of life,
“If variety is the spice of life, marriage is the big can of leftover Spam.”
— Johnny Carson
Author: Johnny Carson
Category: marriage
Tags: marriage, Johnny Carson
Mail your packages early so the post
“Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas.”
— Johnny Carson
Author: Johnny Carson
Category: funny
Tags: funny, Johnny Carson