“I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.”
— Fred Allen
Author: Fred Allen
Category: funny
Tags: funny, Fred Allen
Tag: Fred Allen
Most of us spend the first six
“Most of us spend the first six days of each week sowing wild oats; then we go to church on Sunday and pray for a crop failure.”
— Fred Allen
Author: Fred Allen
Category: failure
Tags: failure, Fred Allen
Television is a medium because anything well
“Television is a medium because anything well done is rare.”
— Fred Allen
Author: Fred Allen
Category: technology
Tags: technology, Fred Allen
My father never raised his hand to
“My father never raised his hand to any one of his children, except in self-defense.”
— Fred Allen
Author: Fred Allen
Category: dad
Tags: dad, Fred Allen
An advertising agency is 85 percent confusion
“An advertising agency is 85 percent confusion and 15 percent commission.”
— Fred Allen
Author: Fred Allen
Category: business
Tags: business, Fred Allen
We are living in the machine age.
“We are living in the machine age. For the first time in history the comedian has been compelled to supply himself with jokes and comedy material to compete with the machine. Whether he knows it or not, the comedian is on a treadmill to oblivion.”
— Fred Allen
Author: Fred Allen
Category: age
Tags: age, Fred Allen
I have just returned from Boston. It
“I have just returned from Boston. It is the only thing to do if you find yourself up there.”
— Fred Allen
Author: Fred Allen
Category: funny
Tags: funny, Fred Allen
The first time I sang in the
“The first time I sang in the church choir; two hundred people changed their religion.”
— Fred Allen
Author: Fred Allen
Category: funny
Tags: funny, Fred Allen
California is a fine place to live
“California is a fine place to live – if you happen to be an orange.”
— Fred Allen
Author: Fred Allen
Category: funny
Tags: funny, Fred Allen
We are living in the machine age.
“We are living in the machine age. For the first time in history the comedian has been compelled to supply himself with jokes and comedy material to compete with the machine. Whether he knows it or not, the comedian is on a treadmill to oblivion.”
— Fred Allen
Author: Fred Allen
Category: history
Tags: history, Fred Allen
I learned law so well, the day
“I learned law so well, the day I graduated I sued the college, won the case, and got my tuition back.”
— Fred Allen
Author: Fred Allen
Category: graduation
Tags: graduation, Fred Allen