“I used to play sports. Then I realized you can buy trophies. Now I am good at everything.”
— Demetri Martin
Author: Demetri Martin
Category: good
Tags: good, Demetri Martin
Tag: Demetri Martin
I tend to avoid televisions, politics, and
“I tend to avoid televisions, politics, and places with velvet ropes.”
— Demetri Martin
Author: Demetri Martin
Category: politics
Tags: politics, Demetri Martin
If I have to move up in
“If I have to move up in a building, I choose the elevator over the escalator. Because one time I was riding the escalator and I tripped. I fell down the stairs for an hour and a half.”
— Demetri Martin
Author: Demetri Martin
Category: time
Tags: time, Demetri Martin
The worst time to have a heart
“The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.”
— Demetri Martin
Author: Demetri Martin
Category: time
Tags: time, Demetri Martin
The digital camera is a great invention
“The digital camera is a great invention because it allows us to reminisce. Instantly.”
— Demetri Martin
Author: Demetri Martin
Category: funny
Tags: funny, Demetri Martin
I used to play sports. Then I
“I used to play sports. Then I realized you can buy trophies. Now I am good at everything.”
— Demetri Martin
Author: Demetri Martin
Category: sports
Tags: sports, Demetri Martin
The digital camera is a great invention
“The digital camera is a great invention because it allows us to reminisce. Instantly.”
— Demetri Martin
Author: Demetri Martin
Category: great
Tags: great, Demetri Martin
Employee of the month is a good
“Employee of the month is a good example of how somebody can be both a winner and a loser at the same time.”
— Demetri Martin
Author: Demetri Martin
Category: time
Tags: time, Demetri Martin
I used to play sports. Then I
“I used to play sports. Then I realized you can buy trophies. Now I am good at everything.”
— Demetri Martin
Author: Demetri Martin
Category: sports
Tags: sports, Demetri Martin
Stand up is really fun because if
“Stand up is really fun because if I think of a joke or a funny idea, then I can just go and tell some people and if they laugh, they laugh right away.”
— Demetri Martin
Author: Demetri Martin
Category: funny
Tags: funny, Demetri Martin
I think a lot of stuff I
“I think a lot of stuff I find funny is from day dreaming.”
— Demetri Martin
Author: Demetri Martin
Category: funny
Tags: funny, Demetri Martin